RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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