Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
