I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
