she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
