watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
