Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
