A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Non-Jews are for practice
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
