hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
