the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
