Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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