Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
What a dumb baby whore.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
