So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
