The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
