I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
