didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
