I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
