Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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