Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
