Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
