Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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