I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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