I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
