Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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