it's not cheating when I paid for it
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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