Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
