i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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