Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
