She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
