hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
how do flat chested girls get laid?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Holy shit dude........stairs
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
