and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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