I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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