I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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