as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
