Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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