so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
