I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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