Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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