I cockslap morals
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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