omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
