Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize