did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
