I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
