Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
