Whod you bang
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
