Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
