Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
