Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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