Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
