We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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