Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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