i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.