are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
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and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
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It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.