That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.