I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
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I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
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So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year