Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag