In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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