And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
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