He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
