I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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