I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
