that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
