Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
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just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
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Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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