Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
