i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
