i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
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