Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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