I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
