We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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