i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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