Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
