butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
