where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
