What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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