these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
