i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
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