i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just forgot I was standing up.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
