it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
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Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
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literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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