yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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