Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
