Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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