Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Found your dick twin last night
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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